This is a repost from my previous blog, posted in March, 2019, which I think is a good message (and reminder for myself) for the New Year!
Have you ever thought about what gets you to your “boiling point”? What sets you off? What gets you feeling like you are DONE? It’s interesting to me that water boils at EXACTLY 212 degrees. Not at 211. It’s 212. What is it that triggers your boiling point?
When I get to what I think is my boiling point, it’s usually because I’m overwhelmed when I’ve taken on too much, or I am emotionally exhausted with high maintenance people, or I am extremely frustrated because I feel out of control. I can convince myself that I can’t give any more. I was thinking about this last week and what’s interesting to me is that the boiling point of water is an exact number, and then the water really has power to burn and harm, OR it can do GOOD, like sterilize water for drinking and help you prepare something like a warm cup of coffee.
For us, just being human, any of us think of it as an ending point in that we say “I’m done” or “I’m going to explode!”, like a finish line. But REALLY if we reverse it and think of it as a STARTING point it changes everything. It’s the starting point of being on fire, of being over the top, and maybe even a little “extra” in the BEST way.
Today on Motivation Monday I want you to think about you’re boiling point as a starting point. What I mean by that is when we’re looking at setting boundaries, healthy boundaries for ourselves, which is what I’m thinking about a lot lately, it becomes a motivation for how you can set boundaries for yourself and make REAL change in your life. You get to create the life that YOU want so don’t wait until you are boiling over but if you get there, USE it as fuel to GET THINGS DONE.
Perhaps you’re at your boiling point because you are overwhelmed, and have taken on too much. Maybe you need to cut back and you need to take care of yourself, so that you can have the energy and the mental focus to take care of everyone else that is important in your life. Maybe there are bad habits out of control. Maybe you need to stop yelling at your kids for bad habits and take the time to build a stronger relationship or just stop to TEACH them the social skills and self-care skills that will make their life (and YOURS) easier, and more rewarding.
2025 addition: Maybe this is an expectation issue. Are you being too hard on yourself or your kids? High expectations are ok but when they are set without grace or realistic ideals for yourself or someone else, disappointment and frustration are inevitable. In addition, are these expectations that have been set with a faulty reality or misunderstood starting point? Is a greater understanding of child development needed or is there some “unfinished business” related to mental health that needs to be addressed?
I also think that it’s important to look at mental and emotional stability. For me personally, I know that when I’ve been in a state where I was very depressed and sad it was from circumstances in my life that had gotten me there. It’s very natural to be in that state if you’re facing loss or grief, but I think it’s also important to look at how easy it is to stay there. We all need to be on our own timeline when overcoming the pain of loss of course, but we also need to challenge ourselves to move beyond and not get stuck. Maybe we don’t feel like we have the ability to do more than we are doing, so we decide or we convince ourselves that we’re not capable of more today. And maybe we’re not. But we must be honest with ourselves and start to look at what’s next.
I’m going to challenge you to think differently friend. If you are in that state where you are sad, have faced loss, or are facing hard things and really struggling because you have so many things and so many people depending on you then first get professional help if you need it. Be honest about this and give yourself permission to ask for help. This is often the hardest part. Then, I encourage you to look at what is your boiling point and just stop, take a breath, and give yourself some time to get perspective.
Look at where you can make some changes: what can you cut out, or add in, or maybe you just need some time to take care of yourself and recharge. It’s ok to be falling apart temporarily. Then come back in for another round in the ring. You don’t have to stay there, you don’t have to feel like you’re going to explode or overflow, and you DO have the power, the capacity, and the ability to move BEYOND your boiling point. Look at it as a starting point to something better, then set boundaries for yourself friend!
Last week I did a live video on my “The Amateur Acorn” Facebook page on boundaries and the power in saying no. Even though I didn’t get deep into it, this is something I’m going to be writing and speaking about quite a bit in the coming days because it is what I am learning too. We need to feel free to say yes to the people in your life that are most important and NO to the things that just aren’t going to make it into your “front pocket” (watch my Live video on my FB page for more on this story). Give them your eye contact, your time, and your attention. That my friends, is what really matters.
2025 addition: Because my video was almost SIX years ago, I’m going to be writing about the “front pocket” again soon because we NEED this visual in our lives every day. It is such a helpful tool to me and I hope to share it with you 🙂
As I always say (and I am learning), you can’t be a superhuman so you must, you MUST depend on God to help you. We were never meant to, nor can we do it alone. Ask God to help you, look to your community, your tribe, your people around you that support you and ask for help when needed. You can do more than you think you can, it just is a matter of your mindset and deciding where your boundaries are, where your limits are, and embracing the power of saying no. Being HONEST with yourself about your wants and needs matters. Then use that as a starting point to be your best self. It’s not easy, but it is easier if you view it as a start, instead of the end.
One step at a time, friend. You’ve got this 🙂
Shelley Harrington 