I originally wrote these words in 2020 and saved it as a draft. I’m not really sure why I didn’t finish it and post it, but I believe it is still relevant today. I hope it encourages you.
The first blog I ever did many years ago was called “Flower Power” based on Isaiah 40. I have loved this passage for a long time and verse 8 says “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.” I always found this image of a flower and new life to be encouraging. At the end of Isaiah 40 it also talks about us rising up on eagle’s wings and soaring above whatever problems we are facing on this earth, with God’s help. So for me, I loved the idea that there was power in making things new. I wrote with that theme as a young mother for a long time because I believed it, but I’m not sure I really knew how much more powerful, and personal it would become in my adult life.
Looking at this last decade plus a few years, I have a new image, in more detail, that I am a “flower child” of the 70s, rising up through the hard things, out of the dirt, often after feeling “buried alive” or drowning, by CLAIMING that there was POWER in the word of God, clinging to my friend Jesus for dear life. This has also been a season of breaking barriers, pulling weeds, digging up rotten roots, and planting new seeds.
This is what God does. He takes your sh** and makes a new purpose. He takes the mess that we have made, and the dirt of life that has at times been heaped upon us, and creates beauty. By His grace, He actually gives you TIME to sit in the darkness of being buried alive under the dirt that you have sunk into, like a seed, so that you can grow new roots and sprout, using your story to bring beauty into the lives of others.
I feel that right now that is an accurate reflection of what God is doing in my life. He has allowed the hard stuff to happen, as much as it pains Him, because He is also “planting me in new soil”, growing stronger roots, and going to use it for good. All of it. It sucks. It stinks. It’s horrible. AND IT MATTERS. So then I rise up out of the dirt and the muck for the purpose of using how I’ve grown to produce new fruit, and share my story so that others might know that they are not alone.
And OH, how I have learned and grown from it. My story is not done yet but there is beauty sprouting already out of it.
Who would ever think that feeling like you are going to suffocate with the heaviness of hopelessness could actually be the thing that causes you to believe you can handle anything? I never did. I thought I had already faced some hard things in my past. And I thought I had dealt with them efficiently. But no. I hadn’t. I faced several losses in a short period of time and then came 2020 (No one saw that coming!) and BAM, loss and pain of my past rose to the surface like Calypso taking over the sea in “Pirates of the Caribbean”.
Let me be clear. I was just reading some friends’ Facebook posts about this year, and about their last decade, which inspired my writing today, and MAN, so many have faced some HARD losses. One friend almost died and has had several surgeries. Several are facing ongoing health battles. At least 3 other friends have lost children. Many others have lost spouses, parents, pets, and friends. Still others have faced divorce and financial hardship. I won’t presume to know this pain for my losses are completely of a different sort. However, loss is loss and I dismissed my loss as insignificant for a long time. That didn’t do me any good and caused me to ignore my opportunity for healing.
Friends, let’s call it what it is and sit with it. Yes, it’s uncomfortable and painful and hard to feel all the feels. We push it aside because we want to be happy again. We want to not be stress eating and binge watching and drinking too much wine and not yelling at our children and feeling not so exhausted all the time. And the crying and turmoil. Oh the heartache. We want it to just go away.
What I’ve come to embrace in this season is that it is a season. It is temporary. God’s faithfulness in the midst of our pain and humanity is eternal. I find hope in knowing that I don’t have to sit buried in the dirt alone. I’m no longer afraid of sitting in the dark because Jesus is there with me. He knows what it is like to be alone, abandoned, accused, in pain, and dismissed. His promises are true and bring comfort that I WILL RISE UP out of the dirt, inviting God to make all things new. I will not just survive, I will thrive because God is big enough, and wise enough, and loving enough to provide all that I need, one day at a time.
I think it’s not just enough to “have positive thoughts” and focus on the blessings and the good in our lives. Of course we need to find joy, and have fun, and laugh, and embrace the positives in every situation. But that doesn’t take away the loss does it?
So what I propose is that we decide to not be afraid of looking at where we are and where we’ve been when we sat in the dark, buried under the crap, feeling like we will never get out, AND look for the good in what came of being in the dark places. Let’s not say that those we lost are “in a better place” and these losses “happened for a reason.” NO! I refuse to accept that I worship and serve a God that WANTS suffering in this world. He doesn’t WANT that for us. NOT ONE BIT.
Yes, I know it’s hard and confusing to understand why God heals some and not others. Why does God allow such horrible pain to happen to us, or even to exist? I can tell you what I think, and what others have said, but it really will never make sense while you are experiencing it.
What I have come to know, and be true in the way I understand it, is that God created the world, He set things into motion including science, free thought, creativity, and imperfection. He is active and moving in our lives, drawing us to Him continually because He LOVES us and wants to be in relationship with us. And yet, things get messed up, and complicated, and God allows all of it because ultimately He knows (and this is the most important part to a REAL faith) that we deserve a CHOICE to be in relationship with Him, with FREE WILL over our lives, and we deserve to be LOVED through our losses and hard things, to not be alone and that is better than being controlled by a God that holds all the strings and dictates our every move. If we’re honest, we think we want a “fairy godmother” or a “genie” to grant all our wishes for a happy life, but this is not really what is BEST for us. Not really. He knows we are going to be OK because He is a BIG God that makes ALL things new. He sees the big picture for EVERY one of us. He knows where we’re going and will help us get there.
This does NOT by any means that the wrongs and abuse that happen to us are ok or that we should just be silent when others are harmed or that we should just say that what happens is “the Lord’s will”. It’s really more complicated than that, and yet it is simply about focusing on God’s faithfulness in every moment of our lives to carry and empower us through it.
The entirety of Isaiah 40 is worth a read if you are feeling discouraged. But here’s a snippet to lift your spirits in these trying times of discord and many unknowns:
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Did you know that eagles use the updraft to soar? This is how God works so we don’t have to work so hard at depending on people that let us down and sit around wringing our hands not knowing what to do about the things we have no control over. Instead of focusing on the politicians who are not making good decisions or the health concerns with unknown outcomes or looking to the people that you wish would fix your problems but continually disappoint you, put your hope in the Lord, the Creator of the Universe and BE who you are looking for. I’m not saying this means He’s a “magical” God that makes all our troubles go away or that everything will go great if we just step up. I am saying it is up to US to act and move and BE the world changers that God is empowering and equipping us to be. Yes, there will continue to be failings and disappointments. BUT, Let’s put our eyes on HIM who sustains us, and go do the things He is calling and equipping us uniquely to do.
What is He calling you to step up and do? Where is He asking you to have courage? What is He tugging at you to let go of?
Shelley Harrington 