Featured

Where I’m From

A Poem by Shelley Harrington, From the template and original poem by George Ella Lyon

I am from God is good.

From potluck dinners and Chinese dumplings.

I am from trains and a treehouse.

I’m from Road trips and Camping.

I am from Son Village campground, with joyful memories I will NEVER forget, and a pool I WISH I could forget.

From life on the farm, and missionary boarding school, and two young kids at college in Seattle.

I am from Stevie’s death and much sorrow.

I am from seafood chowder and left-over casserole.

From praying, and crying, and Grandma’s hats.

I am from music. Lots and lots, and lots of music.

From playing school, a disappointing prom dress, and a stereo that never was.

I’m from a house on a hill and feeding seagulls French fries.

I am from duck talk and speed card games.

From pictures and storytelling, and talking and laughing until our bellies ached.

I am from soccer and the theater, and the seahawks and the steelers and the oilers.

I’m from country hospital in Taiwan, with a pink bow taped to my head.

From super 8 movies, an annual kickline, croquet, and three bean salad.

I’m from new house slabs, an apple orchard to leave alone, and a honeysuckle bush hideout.

I am from “did you see what they have on the menu?”

I am from the Pacific ocean, and late night ice cream cones.

From the Eye in the Sky and His Eye is on the Sparrow.

From packing, and moving, and being the new girl.

I am from desegregation and ping pong balls.

I’m from homemade pies and turkey and stuffing.

From quiet, lonely Christmas mornings.

From family sing alongs and Silent Night by candlelight.

I am from “That’s an idea!” and “God has a plan!”

I am from love.

***It’s true that my family and I might be the only ones to know what most of these references mean. But it’s the “stuff” that has made me who I am. The good and the bad. I treasure it all. I encourage others to embrace where you’re from. What has given you the gift of knowing what you belong to, and what belongs to you? It’s healing and empowering.

Flower Power

I originally wrote these words in 2020 and saved it as a draft. I’m not really sure why I didn’t finish it and post it, but I believe it is still relevant today. I hope it encourages you.

The first blog I ever did many years ago was called “Flower Power” based on Isaiah 40. I have loved this passage for a long time and verse 8 says “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.” I always found this image of a flower and new life to be encouraging. At the end of Isaiah 40 it also talks about us rising up on eagle’s wings and soaring above whatever problems we are facing on this earth, with God’s help. So for me, I loved the idea that there was power in making things new. I wrote with that theme as a young mother for a long time because I believed it, but I’m not sure I really knew how much more powerful, and personal it would become in my adult life.

Looking at this last decade plus a few years, I have a new image, in more detail, that I am a “flower child” of the 70s, rising up through the hard things, out of the dirt, often after feeling “buried alive” or drowning, by CLAIMING that there was POWER in the word of God, clinging to my friend Jesus for dear life. This has also been a season of breaking barriers, pulling weeds, digging up rotten roots, and planting new seeds.

This is what God does. He takes your sh** and makes a new purpose. He takes the mess that we have made, and the dirt of life that has at times been heaped upon us, and creates beauty. By His grace, He actually gives you TIME to sit in the darkness of being buried alive under the dirt that you have sunk into, like a seed, so that you can grow new roots and sprout, using your story to bring beauty into the lives of others.

I feel that right now that is an accurate reflection of what God is doing in my life. He has allowed the hard stuff to happen, as much as it pains Him, because He is also “planting me in new soil”, growing stronger roots, and going to use it for good. All of it. It sucks. It stinks. It’s horrible. AND IT MATTERS. So then I rise up out of the dirt and the muck for the purpose of using how I’ve grown to produce new fruit, and share my story so that others might know that they are not alone.

And OH, how I have learned and grown from it. My story is not done yet but there is beauty sprouting already out of it.

Who would ever think that feeling like you are going to suffocate with the heaviness of hopelessness could actually be the thing that causes you to believe you can handle anything? I never did. I thought I had already faced some hard things in my past. And I thought I had dealt with them efficiently. But no. I hadn’t. I faced several losses in a short period of time and then came 2020 (No one saw that coming!) and BAM, loss and pain of my past rose to the surface like Calypso taking over the sea in “Pirates of the Caribbean”.

Let me be clear. I was just reading some friends’ Facebook posts about this year, and about their last decade, which inspired my writing today, and MAN, so many have faced some HARD losses. One friend almost died and has had several surgeries. Several are facing ongoing health battles. At least 3 other friends have lost children. Many others have lost spouses, parents, pets, and friends. Still others have faced divorce and financial hardship. I won’t presume to know this pain for my losses are completely of a different sort. However, loss is loss and I dismissed my loss as insignificant for a long time. That didn’t do me any good and caused me to ignore my opportunity for healing.

Friends, let’s call it what it is and sit with it. Yes, it’s uncomfortable and painful and hard to feel all the feels. We push it aside because we want to be happy again. We want to not be stress eating and binge watching and drinking too much wine and not yelling at our children and feeling not so exhausted all the time. And the crying and turmoil. Oh the heartache. We want it to just go away.

What I’ve come to embrace in this season is that it is a season. It is temporary. God’s faithfulness in the midst of our pain and humanity is eternal. I find hope in knowing that I don’t have to sit buried in the dirt alone. I’m no longer afraid of sitting in the dark because Jesus is there with me. He knows what it is like to be alone, abandoned, accused, in pain, and dismissed. His promises are true and bring comfort that I WILL RISE UP out of the dirt, inviting God to make all things new. I will not just survive, I will thrive because God is big enough, and wise enough, and loving enough to provide all that I need, one day at a time.

I think it’s not just enough to “have positive thoughts” and focus on the blessings and the good in our lives. Of course we need to find joy, and have fun, and laugh, and embrace the positives in every situation. But that doesn’t take away the loss does it?

So what I propose is that we decide to not be afraid of looking at where we are and where we’ve been when we sat in the dark, buried under the crap, feeling like we will never get out, AND look for the good in what came of being in the dark places. Let’s not say that those we lost are “in a better place” and these losses “happened for a reason.” NO! I refuse to accept that I worship and serve a God that WANTS suffering in this world. He doesn’t WANT that for us. NOT ONE BIT.

Yes, I know it’s hard and confusing to understand why God heals some and not others. Why does God allow such horrible pain to happen to us, or even to exist? I can tell you what I think, and what others have said, but it really will never make sense while you are experiencing it.

What I have come to know, and be true in the way I understand it, is that God created the world, He set things into motion including science, free thought, creativity, and imperfection. He is active and moving in our lives, drawing us to Him continually because He LOVES us and wants to be in relationship with us. And yet, things get messed up, and complicated, and God allows all of it because ultimately He knows (and this is the most important part to a REAL faith) that we deserve a CHOICE to be in relationship with Him, with FREE WILL over our lives, and we deserve to be LOVED through our losses and hard things, to not be alone and that is better than being controlled by a God that holds all the strings and dictates our every move. If we’re honest, we think we want a “fairy godmother” or a “genie” to grant all our wishes for a happy life, but this is not really what is BEST for us. Not really. He knows we are going to be OK because He is a BIG God that makes ALL things new. He sees the big picture for EVERY one of us. He knows where we’re going and will help us get there.

This does NOT by any means that the wrongs and abuse that happen to us are ok or that we should just be silent when others are harmed or that we should just say that what happens is “the Lord’s will”. It’s really more complicated than that, and yet it is simply about focusing on God’s faithfulness in every moment of our lives to carry and empower us through it.

The entirety of Isaiah 40 is worth a read if you are feeling discouraged. But here’s a snippet to lift your spirits in these trying times of discord and many unknowns:

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Did you know that eagles use the updraft to soar? This is how God works so we don’t have to work so hard at depending on people that let us down and sit around wringing our hands not knowing what to do about the things we have no control over. Instead of focusing on the politicians who are not making good decisions or the health concerns with unknown outcomes or looking to the people that you wish would fix your problems but continually disappoint you, put your hope in the Lord, the Creator of the Universe and BE who you are looking for. I’m not saying this means He’s a “magical” God that makes all our troubles go away or that everything will go great if we just step up. I am saying it is up to US to act and move and BE the world changers that God is empowering and equipping us to be. Yes, there will continue to be failings and disappointments. BUT, Let’s put our eyes on HIM who sustains us, and go do the things He is calling and equipping us uniquely to do.

What is He calling you to step up and do? Where is He asking you to have courage? What is He tugging at you to let go of?

Two Things Can Be True

In a new stage of pre-menopause that I’m experiencing, apparently I can be hot AND cold at the same time. Who knew? It’s quite interesting to wake up in a sweat AND have cold feet. Also, did you know that my kindergarten students look at a 6 upside down and think it’s a 9? Or that we can be a hero and a villain to our kids at the same time? These are just a few examples of “two things can be true”.

My husband and I have been using the phrase “two things can be true” for several years now, mostly related to politics. I’m not really sure where I first heard it, or who I should credit with originating it (the internet says Rita Mae Brown) but I know it was from one of my favorite podcasts Pantsuit Politics or Sharon Says So, who I quote on the regular.

I think this is one of the best phrases to keep on hand because most conversations include different perspectives. This has become most useful to me when looking at many heated issues like abortion, immigration, and healthcare. Many like to look at things one sided but in reality, any complex issue involving human lives requires a view from multiple angles.

This is also true when we evaluate ourselves. Sometimes we’re too hard on ourselves when we are both growing and struggling at the same time. This reminds me of a great quote I used in my recent post that we can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time (Sophia Bush).

Many people choose a word for the year and I have done the same the last few years but this year I need two. One is just not enough because of this very idea that TWO things are true. Two things are VERY true in my life right now. My two words are ironically SERENITY and DISRUPTION.

I first chose “serenity” from the serenity prayer because I am in desperate need of peace in my life and continue to work through grief and childhood heartache in therapy. I feel all the conflict in the world and specifically the division here in America in a personal way. It has been creating a lot of anxiety in my life that I’m working on through writing, meditation, therapy, setting boundaries, and academic growth (learning about the brain, trauma, and mental health). I still have a lot of work to do but I’m learning the tools that help me handle the anxiety and waves of sadness or anger.

But if I’m honest, my word needs to also be “disruption” because I have been on a path of healing the last 5 years (or in reality, 10-15 years!) which has led to tremendous spiritual growth and a tug on my heart to speak up for the outcast, the marginalized, the victims. God is calling me to be a voice for those that want to be heard, including the little girl that is a big part of who I am as a grown-up. Some people do not feel brave to speak, some need an ally, and some need a defender. This requires disruption in the status quo and I’m willing and empowered to take on this challenge.

So while I continue to make SERENITY a priority in my personal life, and this looks more and more like ongoing self-care and boundaries previously established, there will also be a conscious decision to be a DISRUPTOR in the bad traditions, unhealthy systems, and toxic relationships for the sake of the things that matter. This will look like asking questions, seeking understanding, using my voice to call out injustice, inviting conversations, and seeking courage in the face of adversity.

I know I am not alone. I invite you to join me.

Your Boiling Point is Your Starting Point

This is a repost from my previous blog, posted in March, 2019, which I think is a good message (and reminder for myself) for the New Year!

Have you ever thought about what gets you to your “boiling point”? What sets you off? What gets you feeling like you are DONE? It’s interesting to me that water boils at EXACTLY 212 degrees. Not at 211. It’s 212. What is it that triggers your boiling point?

When I get to what I think is my boiling point, it’s usually because I’m overwhelmed when I’ve taken on too much, or I am emotionally exhausted with high maintenance people, or I am extremely frustrated because I feel out of control. I can convince myself that I can’t give any more. I was thinking about this last week and what’s interesting to me is that the boiling point of water is an exact number, and then the water really has power to burn and harm, OR it can do GOOD, like sterilize water for drinking and help you prepare something like a warm cup of coffee.

For us, just being human, any of us think of it as an ending point in that we say “I’m done” or “I’m going to explode!”, like a finish line. But REALLY if we reverse it and think of it as a STARTING point it changes everything. It’s the starting point of being on fire, of being over the top, and maybe even a little “extra” in the BEST way.

Today on Motivation Monday I want you to think about you’re boiling point as a starting point. What I mean by that is when we’re looking at setting boundaries, healthy boundaries for ourselves, which is what I’m thinking about a lot lately, it becomes a motivation for how you can set boundaries for yourself and make REAL change in your life. You get to create the life that YOU want so don’t wait until you are boiling over but if you get there, USE it as fuel to GET THINGS DONE.

Perhaps you’re at your boiling point because you are overwhelmed, and have taken on too much. Maybe you need to cut back and you need to take care of yourself, so that you can have the energy and the mental focus to take care of everyone else that is important in your life. Maybe there are bad habits out of control. Maybe you need to stop yelling at your kids for bad habits and take the time to build a stronger relationship or just stop to TEACH them the social skills and self-care skills that will make their life (and YOURS) easier, and more rewarding.

2025 addition: Maybe this is an expectation issue. Are you being too hard on yourself or your kids? High expectations are ok but when they are set without grace or realistic ideals for yourself or someone else, disappointment and frustration are inevitable. In addition, are these expectations that have been set with a faulty reality or misunderstood starting point? Is a greater understanding of child development needed or is there some “unfinished business” related to mental health that needs to be addressed?

I also think that it’s important to look at mental and emotional stability. For me personally, I know that when I’ve been in a state where I was very depressed and sad it was from circumstances in my life that had gotten me there. It’s very natural to be in that state if you’re facing loss or grief, but I think it’s also important to look at how easy it is to stay there. We all need to be on our own timeline when overcoming the pain of loss of course, but we also need to challenge ourselves to move beyond and not get stuck. Maybe we don’t feel like we have the ability to do more than we are doing, so we decide or we convince ourselves that we’re not capable of more today. And maybe we’re not. But we must be honest with ourselves and start to look at what’s next.

I’m going to challenge you to think differently friend. If you are in that state where you are sad, have faced loss, or are facing hard things and really struggling because you have so many things and so many people depending on you then first get professional help if you need it. Be honest about this and give yourself permission to ask for help. This is often the hardest part. Then, I encourage you to look at what is your boiling point and just stop, take a breath, and give yourself some time to get perspective.

Look at where you can make some changes: what can you cut out, or add in, or maybe you just need some time to take care of yourself and recharge. It’s ok to be falling apart temporarily. Then come back in for another round in the ring. You don’t have to stay there, you don’t have to feel like you’re going to explode or overflow, and you DO have the power, the capacity, and the ability to move BEYOND your boiling point. Look at it as a starting point to something better, then set boundaries for yourself friend!

Last week I did a live video on my “The Amateur Acorn” Facebook page on boundaries and the power in saying no. Even though I didn’t get deep into it, this is something I’m going to be writing and speaking about quite a bit in the coming days because it is what I am learning too. We need to feel free to say yes to the people in your life that are most important and NO to the things that just aren’t going to make it into your “front pocket” (watch my Live video on my FB page for more on this story). Give them your eye contact, your time, and your attention. That my friends, is what really matters.

2025 addition: Because my video was almost SIX years ago, I’m going to be writing about the “front pocket” again soon because we NEED this visual in our lives every day. It is such a helpful tool to me and I hope to share it with you 🙂

As I always say (and I am learning), you can’t be a superhuman so you must, you MUST depend on God to help you. We were never meant to, nor can we do it alone. Ask God to help you, look to your community, your tribe, your people around you that support you and ask for help when needed. You can do more than you think you can, it just is a matter of your mindset and deciding where your boundaries are, where your limits are, and embracing the power of saying no. Being HONEST with yourself about your wants and needs matters. Then use that as a starting point to be your best self. It’s not easy, but it is easier if you view it as a start, instead of the end.

One step at a time, friend. You’ve got this 🙂

Stop Wrestling for “Worthiness”: You Are Already CHOSEN and Enough

As I shared in my post two days ago, I’m in the process of transferring over my past blog posts to this one, and if you have the time, I just posted a new post about adoption and grief but have included here some additional thoughts to read about adoption that I wrote in January 2019. It’s kind of funny to me to read what I wrote almost 6 years ago, when SO MUCH has changed. I would be so honored to hear your feedback and thoughts on any that I have shared here, remembering that God equips us to our calling. If God is calling you to foster or adopt, I would be happy to discuss our experience and be your cheerleader as you answer this call.

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world… “

It hurts when you are forgotten, not included, or not chosen. It sucks!

Most of us have had at least one time in our life when we were NOT chosen. You didn’t get picked for someone’s team. Someone broke up with you. You didn’t get the college you wanted. You didn’t get the job. A friend didn’t invite you to their girls night out.

What is it about NOT being chosen that hurts so much? For me, I’ve experienced every single one of the above examples. I survived, moved on and yet, at times I have let it fester. I have good friends who I know love me, and I have 1100 friends on facebook, and it was still hurtful to get left out by ONE person.

You wonder, “What did I do wrong?” Or, “Why didn’t they think of including me?” Or even more unhealthy, “What do I need to change so they will like me?”

I have such a tender heart for the feelings in this that I have adjusted my “choosing” procedures in my classroom. I want my students to be aware of the hurts in the world and mindful of how their actions can unknowingly leave someone out. I don’t want them to learn that “everyone wins” because that is a lie. But we are going to be intentional in my classroom that sometimes you get left out, how do you handle that, learn from it, and make a decision to INCLUDE someone that is not “in”. It’s not a true science and feelings still get hurt, but we inevitably have opportunities to talk through it. Every. single. week.

It is easy to forget that we have already been chosen. I have this cute little sign in my kitchen by the fruit bowl because I have had a heart for adoption for most of my life. We adopted our daughter as a teenager in 2010 and THIS message is really for her, and all of us. This sign is a daily reminder that as easy as it is to choose some healthy fruit each day, we can choose to ACCEPT that we have been chosen already by the Creator of the Universe! We’ve already been thought of this morning and included. It’s true. He has already decided He wants to be your friend FOREVER and all you have to do is accept. Just say yes. That’s it.

You don’t have to lose weight, clean up your mouth, buy new clothes, stop drinking, get a bigger house, have cuter and more successful kids, or even go to church. God really doesn’t care about any of your “stuff”, or your past, or your checklist. He just wants YOU to come to Him, flaws and all.

He says you are “holy and blameless in his sight.” He also says “In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship/(daughtership) through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace.”

What does that even mean? Basically, He actually loves to claim you as His own from the pumpkin patch, dirt and all, wash you off, clean you out, and display a light in you for all to see. That’s His favorite. YOU are His favorite. But WE have a choice too. We get to CHOOSE back.

Oh, but there’s that Jesus part you say? Yep. He’s in there because He is an equal part of it. He came for you. He lived a blameless life for you. He died for you. And He’s coming back for you. No other “religion” can say that because everyone else wants you to DO something, or BE something. Even many Christian churches put “requirements” on you but they have it WRONG. That’s not the Gospel. Don’t listen to all that mumbo jumbo. Listen to the TRUTH. Love God, say yes to the gift that Jesus gave you, and that’s it.

Read the Bible for yourself. The WHOLE thing, not just the parts you like. Read the whole thing and see God’s big picture. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you if you don’t see it. He promises that He is faithful so ask Him to SHOW you. God is carrying out His end of the bargain, even with flawed people. He created the world so that YOU would be a part of HIStory. Yes, you will create your own story and God will do something with your mess if you will let Him and if you give Him the credit for being there WITH you through it. He also says, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.”

His Grace is a gift. It is free. We are ALL chosen, and it’s up to us to accept it. He wants to lavish us with His love and redemption. He wants us to KNOW that we are KNOWN by Him and He has GOOD gifts to give.

Remember on the hard days when the world forgets to include you that you have been chosen by someone with infinitely more power in His pinky toe than any boss, or sorority, or friend group would have in their entire lives.

Celebrate on the good days when they do choose you that God’s adoption into His family is even more sweet. Thank Him for giving you community, blessings, and opportunities. Those are His gifts. Yes, I know it still hurts sometimes. Give that hurt to God and let Him fill in the cracks with love. Trust me, from personal experience that He is bigger than the “I’m lonely and have no friends” lie. He has the power to mend it. just take it one step at a time.

My scriptures today are from Ephesians 1:4-8. Read it for yourself here Ephesians 1:4-8

The Transformative Power of Adoption and Grief

November is National Adoption Month, and while we celebrate many things this time of year, it’s easy to get distracted by the Thanksgiving holidays, preparations for Christmas, and the endless Black Friday deals that seem to start earlier every year. Personally, I think starting the month with an election and the ongoing division among family and friends has further distracted me from focusing on gratitude—but I’m working on improving my attitude.

That’s why I think it’s important to talk about the connection between adoption and grief. I should mention that I’ve been processing some grief not just this month, but it’s been an ongoing struggle for several years. It took me a couple of weeks to realize what it was. Loss doesn’t always mean death. Grief can show up with the loss of a relationship, a dream, an opportunity, or even due to something like a natural disaster beyond our control. There have been times in the past when I was grieving without even realizing it. I’d find myself thinking, What’s wrong with you? Just get over it already! Why are you making this such a big deal? Time to move on! The truth is, I struggled to move on when I tried to suppress my feelings or when I felt pressured to be “grateful” or “positive.”

I’ve learned that the sooner I accept myself and acknowledge all my feelings—the deep, dark and even ugly ones included—the easier it is to bring them to the surface, process them, and find a way to move forward.

So what does this all this have to do with adoption?

A significant part of my mental health journey—and some of the grief I’m still processing about important relationships—has come through the experience of fostering and adopting our daughter 14 years ago and what I’ve learned about MYSELF in the process. When she joined our family, it was like a wrecking ball— in the best way possible. Think about what happens when a wrecking ball demolishes a building: it’s necessary to clear the way for something new to be built on the strong foundation that remains. And if the foundation is shaky, well you need to find some stability before you can rebuild. That’s exactly what has happened in our family through not just our family’s experience with adoption, but also in reflecting what our adoption into the Body of Christ truly means for us and how we relate to one another. I often marvel at how much has changed since she came into our lives, and I realize I never would have known life from this perspective without her. There’s so much good to be thankful for!

It hasn’t been easy, and even painful for much of the journey. Not because she carries the burden of it all, but because she was the catalyst that ignited the change we needed. I had to question and rebuild some beliefs that were built on shaky foundations, and those had to come down so our whole family could rise above them. It’s also been glorious to see what God has done through us as we chose to follow Him. We took a risk, choosing her, knowing there was the potential for rejection, but we fully committed to her even through her struggles. And I had no idea the journey we would take or the blessings that would come from it! Now, watching her come full circle, choosing us as her family, and watching her thrive as an AMAZING mom herself, is a testament to the power of that commitment. Deep down, I hold on to the truth that God chose each of us first, and He’s committed to helping us grow and become everything He has envisioned for us.

This is the power of adoption. It’s a choice to love and be loved. It’s choosing your family, whether by blood or not. It’s loving someone even at their worst, but also LETTING THEM GO to choose their own path. It’s depending on God alone, understanding that He holds two truths for us: we are chosen and loved, no matter what, and He gives us the FREE WILL to choose Him back. We have the CHOICE to follow His lead and become, or to run away from doing the hard work because of fear. He has already modeled this for us, He lets us go and continually invites us to have a safe place to land. He IS the Prodigal God, always throwing a celebration when we return.

This is where my grief and adoption intersect as I reflect on my own adoption into the Body of Christ. There’s beauty in being chosen and in being given the freedom to become all God created me to be. But there’s also struggle in the process—wrestling with God, enduring the “refiner’s fire” as I work through the pain of not being protected, of past rejection, not being accepted, facing the fear of setting and holding boundaries, and embracing the identity of who I am becoming. It’s about the struggle to LET GO (or not) of others’ choices and deciding how I will respond, as I work through my grief of that loss. It’s also deciding that I can learn to be ok with being alone as I follow where God is leading because in reality, others may not want to follow and I’m right where I’m supposed to be when I am standing in HIS light. This daily process is a reminder of our own adoption, and the fact that we get a choice to stay or go. The bonus is finding the beauty and gratitude in what I am rebuilding, amongst the rubble and ashes.

That’s adoption. God takes what was broken and He restores, He makes new, He redeems, He connects, He rebuilds, He plants new seeds, He shows us acceptance and grace, and new pathways to redemption. He makes who we are ENOUGH.

If you are feeling the tug to foster or adopt, and you would like to talk about our experience with the foster care system as one pathway, I would be happy to listen, support, and cheer you on as you heed God’s call.

The Amateur Acorn

In 2019, I began writing a blog I called “The Amateur Acorn”. The idea was that I would inspire, encourage spiritual growth, and talk about the “things that matter” with the goal of growing into “a mighty oak” as God intended. I do have a love of trees!

I’m in the process of transferring all my old posts over to maintain things in one place, to THIS blog, which I began in the fall of 2021 because it seemed more “practical” during the post-covid season to have a blog with my own name. A lot has changed in these last 5 years and I have more to say about a lot of things, but I haven’t written anything here in over a year and a half. Primarily this is because I have been working on completing my Master’s degree (which I did!) and I have also been processing my mental health and evolving faith journey mostly very publicly on Facebook for ease. You can find many of these writings with the hashtag #WhatTreesTeachUs.

I’m looking at beginning a podcast to just talk about the things that matter with other people that have interesting stories, and this blog will most likely follow what I’m doing there, but for now, here are some words from the past to remind myself (and you too my friend) that we ALL have a unique but radiant voice and if we have something important to say, we should say it. And if it isn’t helping yourself or others to grow, well, maybe we should shut up about it. I don’t know, just a thought.

Original post on January 3, 2019:

For the sake of transparency, I’m just gonna lay it all out there.

I’m a mess. Well, maybe I’m being dramatic. Just a little bit. I actually get myself to work on time almost every day (well, most days…) and I’ve only forgotten my child at school one time. It’s a good thing the baby has just moved on to college and I don’t have to deal with that whole school thing anymore. Oh wait. I’m a teacher.

I am quite frankly still a kid in my almost 50 year old heart, but I’m a girl who likes to get things done with an “it will work out” twist, and my husband is one-of-a-kind for putting up with me…a true rarity these days. However, I often suffer from that grave affliction of lots of confidence while still questioning my ability to actually do something A.Ma.Zing and wonder if you like me.

Good thing I don’t really have to wonder. I am actually qualified in a few things but really I’m perfectly NOT equipped for most things and God knows it. He said that He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. He also said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My Power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Cor. 12:9

So there is the magic in this new journey I’m calling “The Amateur Acorn”. He’s my secret weapon. I believe God has a plan and purpose for our lives when we start out as an acorn, and it is up to us to CHOOSE whether we will follow that plan and grow to become the “mighty oak” that He is creating. It sure won’t happen overnight, but it’s only going to happen if we confess that we are weak, but HE is strong, and we need His help. That’s a hard thing to do in this independent, fast paced, me-first society.

I’m no expert in this area and in fact, one of the things I have really struggled with in recent days is grief, heartache, and loss that have manifested themselves in feelings of inadequacy and wondering if I’m even qualified to share my voice.

The TRUTH I’ve been reminded of though is that I don’t need a Masters in English to be a writer. I don’t need a seminary degree to share what I’m learning as a student of the Bible. I don’t need to be a politician to advocate for the things that matter or share my opinion. And I definitely don’t need to be famous to be KNOWN.

I know with confidence that I am known and my value and worth come from the Lord. And I know that no one else is responsible for my happiness, except for ME. So I still have days that suck, but I’m choosing to find my happiness in Jesus, my faithful friend that pursues me every day and reminds me that I am loved. Sometimes it takes a lot to crack this nut. There might be tears occasionally. And a Hallmark movie.

I do hope though that you’ll be my friend and follow along with the little time you have in a day, and that I might inspire, motivate, and encourage you to be all that you were intended to be as well. Or not. Whatever. I’ve been told I’m supposed to be cool about it and let you decide. I promise I won’t stalk you or anything. (Please pick me 🙂 )

Decent Respect

“…a decent respect to the OPINIONS of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.” – the US Declaration of Independence

In 1776, Thomas Jefferson penned these words on behalf of the thirteen colonies forming a new government. Almost 250 years ago, he was stating on behalf of all those that signed the declaration, and us, the UNITED states citizens (who were still basically citizens of Great Britain), that we had enough “decent respect” for the opinions of King George III, and the citizens of Great Britain, to declare the causes, or reasons for our separation.

In a nutshell, we were trying to be “nice” about it while basically saying “We want to do it a different way. Please let us BE.”

Granted, this was a big deal, and not everyone in the colonies was interested in separating. There were many that still wanted to just be citizens of England. There were many that didn’t want a war. They didn’t want to fight. Lexington and Concord had already happened. We had already had the tea party and the Boston massacre. It was not really a surprise that we wanted to rule ourselves and not have to deal with that greedy King and his taxation without representation.

But we gave him “decent respect”, or as far as Jefferson and others penning our Declaration were concerned, and explained our reasons.

I believe that in many ways we have lost the art in America for “decent respect” for each other when we are “separated” on our opinions. That’s what is happening right now between many Republicans and Democrats, isn’t it? I think many of us would agree that it feels a bit more like the DIVIDED States of America.

I am having trouble understanding what has happened to us. We at one time were willing to give our “enemy” decent respect and explain our reasons for separating, and becoming a new whole country, but we aren’t willing to do this over our difference of opinion around the family dinner table?

Hear me out. I believe there are MANY MANY MANY times a thousand (that would be MILLIONS!) of good people in America that WANT and are seeking unity. I don’t believe for one second that those that are on either the far right or the far left are the majority, even while they shout the loudest and make the rest of us want to cower away in disgust for all the fighting! NOPE. They are not who is at the HEART of America.

They are not the ones who are actually doing so much good in the world like stepping in to volunteer at the homeless shelter, turning in a lost wallet, taking in an abandoned puppy, writing a note of encouragement to a soldier, a nurse, or a teacher, bringing over a casserole to a sick neighbor, and donating to cancer research. I truly believe that “most” of us are good, decent, people that WANT unity, and peace, and WANT to live in harmony.

I also DON’T believe that this is the most divided we’ve ever been in history or the worst of times in America, as the media might have us believe. Drama sells so of course what we are seeing in the news and on Twitter are all the stories about who hates who, and who is breaking up, and who is fighting, and who said something negative about this other person, and how awful this political candidate or government official is. And WHY is it in the news? Because we are BUYING it and READING it and WATCHING it and CLICKING it. We are doing that. That is on US. We might be able to say that the media is biased, but it’s biased because they are catering to viewers and clickers and readers. We are CONSUMING it so they are going to keep creating content that draws us into the drama.

And quite honestly, I wasn’t born until 1969 but just in the last 2 years I’ve done some research, and read, and watched documentaries, and dug deep into a LOT of history of the 20s-40s, and 50s and 60s before I was born, stuff I didn’t really learn much about in school, (or pay attention to) and in my opinion, it looks like it was a LOT worse for a lot of folks including People of Color, and children, and women! I mean, lets go back farther and we have a very dark divided history, America! In fact, many want that part of history to go away. They say we need to move on. They want to hide it. It wasn’t taught to me completely so obviously there are people that want to pretend it didn’t happen. And others say we need to talk more about it because it was so bad. I’m not saying we are where we need to be, but lets focus on how we can move FORWARD. We don’t move forward by ignoring, deleting, hiding, or dwelling. We can’t pretend our past didn’t exist, and it is also true that we need to find a way to move on.

Easier said than done, right! And HECK there are some people making some TERRIBLE governing decisions right now, and personally I’m over it. Which is why I want to DECLARE a REQUEST for DECENT RESPECT as if we were making the original Declaration to our perceived enemy, except this is NOT King George. This is ME, asking my government, my America, my Democratic Republic brothers and sisters to LISTEN and join me in pledging to lead forward with decent respect.

This is MY Declaration:

My fellow Americans of these United States, I declare that we begin anew, from this day forward, to strive to actually BE the people that our Founding Fathers believed we could be, even as they didn’t fully grasp the concept yet of what “all men are created equal” ACTUALLY meant when they put it in our Constitution. BE the ones that MLK Jr. dreamed of. BE the ones that are PROVING this great experiment is working, even while we remain very divided. BE the people that the rest of the world ENVIES because our diversity and our ingenuity is what makes us GREAT!

I humbly request your decent respect and I would like to define this a bit for us, if I may.

ALL those that represent us in government be willing to see each other as EQUALS. When I say SEE, I mean LOOK with your eyes wide open and seek understanding in your mind. Be curious, not judgmental. Thanks Ted Lasso.

ALL those that represent constituents, decide TODAY that you are not greater or less than ANY of the other humans that also represent other constituents in these United States. And this means you treat them as such. Quit acting like JERKS! No, you don’t have the same gender, or color skin, or religion, or beliefs, or ideas, or constituents, or problems, but you all need air to breathe, water to survive and you all were elected by other Americans who breathe and need water. You are not better or more important, no matter what committee you serve on or how big of a constituency you represent. Find some humility.

ALL those that hold an office and take an oath to uphold the Constitution, make a DECISION to give decent respect to your colleagues, especially those that you see as an “enemy”. Stop looking for ways to boost your tweets and instagram clicks. BE a representative that takes your oath seriously and REPRESENT. Call people out on their crap, yes. Point fingers at the bullshit. Absolutely. State your disagreements on policy and voting record. 100%. And draw a line at name calling, and attacks on character. Just stop it. It’s dumb.

ALL those voting for these hooligans that can’t get their facts straight and claim our Democracy is “broken”, except when it conveniently gets them elected? The decent respect I would define for you here is LET IT GO!!!!! Good grief. I don’t need you to like the outcome of an election or even like the candidate that won. Please, question the results and lets do a recount if necessary. But when multiple judges say “sorry, where’s the evidence?” and you want to keep wasting my tax dollars on some theory you heard from one obscure news source? Time to move on people. The decent respect is to say “I was wrong. Let’s figure out how to move FORWARD.”

ALL those showing up at a family gathering with an agenda, and the shirt or hat with a political statement, or with the phone call that you think is going to change someone’s mind because they are “lost” to the “other” party that you hate. Here’s your definition of “decent respect”. Be NICE. And Let us BE! Instead of starting a debate, volunteer in your area for the election. Do something to help a political candidate you care about. Research the offices you will be voting for and find out what the qualifications are, and if the ones running in the primary are not qualified, don’t vote for them, even if they are running in your own party! And SHOW UP. Vote in the primary.

We aren’t going to change each other’s minds with criticism and character annihilation. We aren’t going to get anything done in Congress with a focus on who has the power and what we “get”. Yes, I know how politics actually works. Blah, blah, blah. We aren’t going to solve REAL problems and save REAL lives and build back better NOR make America great again by seeing each other as the enemy. There are REAL people that need us to come TOGETHER. Aren’t you tired of fighting all the time? All you’re doing is bashing the other side! Start talking about what you’re actually going to DO.

By all means, lets continue to have conversations, and debate the issues, and call out the crazy, and condemn the conspiracies, and throw the crooks in jail that actually need to do some hard thinking about their choices. But GOOD GOD we are wasting so much time on the wrong priorities.

Here’s just a few thoughts on how we move forward: Your decent respect for LIFE as just ONE issue we all care about would be to start caring about public education and CHILDREN with an appropriate budget and fewer unfunded mandates for teachers so they can give their full attention and care for our kids. Don’t call it “school choice” when you are condemning the neighborhood school to devastation, Instead funnel more money and good people into that school to HELP. Demand bills in your state congress that actually give parents power by empowering teachers and nurses and doctors and other professionals to do what they are trained to do so that parents can actually focus on being effective workers at their job and parents when they get home. Provide FUNDED counselors and case workers and meal programs attached to the neighborhood school for those that actually need it. Provide FUNDED child care and preK for parents so they can work and support their families and fewer kids end up in the foster care system. Yes, that’s progressive. yes, it’s a new way of doing things. yes, perhaps expensive. yes, it’s an INVESTMENT. But if we prioritized families like we say we do, and are all for “family values”, not just like we THINK we do as if we are still in the 50s and all the mommies stay home and cook and clean, and we don’t make it so damn hard to get to work or make a decent wage or a number of reasons that people struggle, and claim we have some higher moral compass or something, we would actually spend less on other things like foster homes, jails, and welfare. We would actually reduce abortion, we would reduce abuse, we would reduce crime. we would reduce suicide and mental health crises. We would reduce drug and alcohol addiction. We would have more daddies and mommies eating dinner with their children and building up the next generation. We would maybe take better care of ourselves physically and lower healthcare costs because we’re not just all stressed out trying to figure out how to pay for stuff that we want to buy because we think that new Iphone or a night out on the town or those new shoes are going to make us happy!

I guess what I’m REALLY trying to say here is we need a DECLARATION of DECENT RESPECT for ourselves and our priorities so that we can actually do the things that we are asking of each other. We need to start being PROactive instead of REactive about helping people. We need to SEE what we are doing to ourselves and jump off this ridiculous hamster wheel we call “productivity” and “capitalism”, and before we teach our children to do the very same thing, over and over. Instead lets work toward the freedom of sharing creative ideas with a mindset that ALL of us can thrive, not just looking out for ourselves and the other Americans that look and think like us. Lets start giving each other the benefit of the doubt, that most people WANT to work, and WANT to take good care of their children, and WANT to be safe.

Let’s start over. Today. First, with some decent respect for our fellow Americans. Start by saying “Hi, I want to do better at showing respect to you. What does that look like for YOU? I’m willing to listen.”

Be Curious. Not Judgmental.

Be Curious, Not Judgmental. This has become a new mantra that has become popular from the show Ted Lasso. Which, if you still haven’t seen it, stop right now and go get a dose of happiness. (Yes, I see that judgemental is the British spelling in my painting here. I was being creative and I’m learning to be ok with doing something differently than others. My painting isn’t perfect and neither am I and that is ok. I think that’s the point of my message today anyway).

Perhaps it looks like I’m just jumping on the pop culture band wagon by adopting this phrase, but in reality being curious is exactly what has defined my life the last few years and allowed me to let the “real me” shine. I’m still working on the “not judgmental” part but it’s a goal in my efforts to gain perspective and see life from different angles. Many might say I’ve changed, but I see in the mirror that I’ve just become a more authentic version of who God created me to be.

Please allow me to retrace a bit of personal history. The “October surprise” that was the Access Hollywood tapes, released just weeks before the 2015 election, was dismissed by many Republicans as an attempt to discredit Trump and ensure Hillary Clinton’s election to the highest office. It was shrugged off by many as a “political ploy” and that “Bill Clinton said worse” or “boys will be boys”.

For me personally, like many, as a victim of #metoo, I had a physical reaction of disgust. In my gut, to say I was sick would be an understatement. I was wrecked. And yet, I kept this silent because of shame. And what I couldn’t believe was Christian leaders…MEN…that were basically saying it was ok. They said “we can look past that because he’s OUR nominee”. They said we can dismiss this character “flaw” because we need a strong MAN in the white house. We couldn’t possibly elect “that woman” over this obviously gifted businessMAN who gets things done. And HEY, Mike Pence will keep him in line. He’s a good GUY! This was the message we were to embrace if we labeled ourselves Christian, and we were expected to fall in line. And somehow in spite of my own thoughts and feelings, I “believed” them and remained silent publicly, while also peddling these lies with my own children! That part is true shame I am still working through. Really.

These were CHRISTIAN leaders I respected. These were Christian WOMEN as well that were “standing by their man” that I thought I respected, admired, and listened to. There was also an outcry against it from some Christian leaders as well that I respected, like Beth Moore, and this honestly surprised me but in the end many others that may have thought about speaking up, quieted down for the sake of not handing things over to the “liberals”. And we’re finding out now that MANY Republicans are NOT actually in support of Trump but felt trapped by the options. Personally I find that cowardice, but honestly, I was no different at the time.

Let’s be clear, the physical response I had of disgust for Trump was already 10 fold deep in my gut about Hillary. I had watched the TV and Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial as a young person and lost all respect for him, and this was especially strong because not only was I a Republican who had learned the message somewhere that basically liberals are evil, I had kept my #metoo secret for so long already and this is all I knew to do. But my disdain for Bill was worse for Hillary because she stayed with him.

Side note: you would think that I would actually have the opposite and feel sorry for her and later I gave her some credit for also giving him grace, which is what “good” Christian women do I guess, but I also had the opinion that she stayed with him for selfish political reasons and so I had made up my mind I couldn’t vote for her. EVER. It’s funny that I see now how we get thoughts stuck in our heads and have trouble seeing a way around them, isn’t it? I have come to wonder now, with a mind that has been opened, “is this how I have always allowed men to have power over me?” Are there other Christian Republican women like me, trying to escape what they KNOW in their hearts that conflict with what they “know” in their minds?

Something interesting had already started happening for me though many years before. A fracturing of my world view was occurring in my mind during the process of adopting our daughter through CPS in 2009-10. It was probably happening in a way long before that because of the tug to adopt for many years, but I was clearly blind to it. I attribute this now in hindsight actually to my codependency and #metoo victim mentality. I had been groomed to keep my victimhood silenced. I had convinced myself that I had to just bear the burden of my shame alone because it was my duty as a Christian to “forgive and let go.” I had reconciled long ago as a 12 year old that my understanding of what had happened to me was “minor” because it wasn’t defined as rape, or it was just another form of “boys will be boys”, and keeping family secrets and don’t rock the boat, or if it appears you can’t reconcile with someone then it means that you are not trusting the power of what God can do in your life. I believed all of that.

I need to say here that I have an amazing husband who has allowed me to be free to be ME for 31 years of marriage and almost 35 years together. He is my “safe place”. He is not threatened by my desire to be strong and independent. He is not weakened by my womanhood and having strong opinions. He is not made to feel inferior when I take the lead on something. He doesn’t feel like I am making him less of a man or small by my empowerment. It is actually quite the opposite. He supports me and lifts me up, and it is actually ME that has tried to make him something that he is not at times with “expectations”. It is ME that has struggled with being what I believed I was supposed to be, based on this idea that the “man is head of the family”. He has the view that we are equals. We are partners in raising our children. He is my most loyal and trusted confident. He is the real deal when it comes to being on the side of women empowerment and we have been on this journey together. He has been extremely instrumental in showing me it was ok to come out of the mold of “biblical womanhood” that I had always believed was defined for me. And it is without a “need” to bash men or make them the bad guys in our efforts to raise up women voices. This is a huge factor in my story of growth. I know that not all women have this and I feel very lucky.

As we began the foster/adoption process, God was very clearly showing me while we were taking our classes and gradually over the five years that followed, giving me the nudge to be curious. I heard the message “do you see that THESE people over here are hurting?” and “Look Shelley, do you see that I care about THOSE people, while many of those that say they love me are ignoring them?” but I would deny it, and even hide it from anyone, for almost 10 years, thinking what really can I do? I was only able to see it from a limiting perspective of what I knew. I would notice, and recognize that something was pulling my heart strings one way to be concerned about what I thought EVERY Christian should care about, while simultaneously it was apparent that according to those I knew, you only voted one way if you were on our side, and only if you were a “good” Christian. So it didn’t make sense that there was a different way to see it. It seemed so odd to me though that so many Christians I knew cared about adoption, and yet didn’t seem to be concerned one bit to connect the dots with how these kids were in the system in the first place. I allowed feelings of shame to limit my voice and dismiss this notion that I would be “allowed” to think something different than all the other Christians in my life.

I began to see that there was a crisis exploding in the foster care system and in the courts. I wondered why all these kids are HERE??? I also saw that kids were aging out and had NO ONE. I took a church job in 2015, to “escape” public education, thinking I was burned out (which is a bad reason to take a job in ministry!) which I fully believed was God rescuing me, and ironically coincides with the world view crisis that was going on in my mind with the onset of a shift in what was going on in our family. I thought I might be having a bit of a breakdown because I knew God was doing something and it was scary, but I didn’t know how to stop it so I was figuring out every day how to just keep going. I met some new people, from different areas of my life, that I fully believe God brought into my life to shift my thinking from rescuing through adoption to ask the singular question, “WHY are all these kids IN the foster care system?” The seeds of curiosity were in full swing.

But I was so focused on my own family and keeping up appearances I hadn’t ever stopped to investigate the hairline fractures that were occurring in my world view. In a way everything was splintering but I was still trying to duct tape it all together with a smile on my face because I had learned the message from my childhood to create “smoke and mirrors” and survive with an “It will all work out!” attitude. I still believe that message over all things, but I was not being true to myself.

As a teacher, that stepped away from education for a bit, I also began to see that we were ignoring the fact in Texas, for example, that there was a deficit in public education spending, In 2013 Gov. Rick Perry said he would use the rainy day fund for roads and infrastructure, but not for schools. Many of our lawmakers wanted to take money away from schools and put money in their pockets through charter schools. We were seeing more gun violence and reports of police shootings on the news. I began to see that my church made it a priority to provide many opportunities for people to go on mission trips to far away places but we were ignoring some of the people right in our community. Oh we were doing things, but only projects we could control and what I call “the shiny projects” that appeal to the people with money. We weren’t as a church that concerned with the number of people that felt like they lived in the wrong neighborhood or went to the wrong university or didn’t have their kids in the right scout troop or were living a “life in sin”. I even went on a mission trip to France of all places which sounds fancy. I believe we need to care for all of God’s people no matter where they are so I’m not dismissing the importance of that journey and it was in fact VERY instrumental for me seeing a broader world view. I began to wonder what the little black and brown boys and girls I taught in my classroom thought about these issues. I wondered what their families thought of me, their white music teacher and if I even cared. I wanted to care, like REALLY care, and SHOW that I care, but didn’t know how. I wondered if God was trying to tell me to DO something about these problems or just focus on being a “good teacher” and a “good mom” and a “faithful church attender”. All these things led up to the election of 2015.

I literally couldn’t imagine voting democrat before Trump. I knew a few Christians that had confessed to being democrats but it didn’t make sense to me. It didn’t line up. I thought they were either pretending to be Christian or pretending to…I don’t know…I couldn’t reconcile it in my mind. I also have two very good friends who have had progressive views and distrust of the messages they’ve received from “church people” the entire time I’ve known them for over 30 years now, and never once have I felt judged for my outspoken conservative views, and yet I realize now that I had basically put them in this same category of “liberals are evil” when I knew perfectly well they were not! I would put all democrats in this one column, while simultaneously saying to myself “oh, but they aren’t like that!” I was being a hypocrite of my own views!

I look back and think “how could I have seen all these things, all these road markers, that were literally taking me on a different path of “love my neighbor” and the TRUE gospel of Jesus Christ as I see it and I didn’t know HOW to make sense of it?” The curiosity was there but I was afraid. How could I have been so blind?

Curiosity has actually SAVED me.

I’ll tell you why. The fracturing of evangelicalism had also been happening already for many years with the onset of “Christian Nationalism” (read “Jesus and John Wayne” by Kristen Kobes Du Mez to be enlightened!) and there was no way to recover except to acknowledge the fracture and embrace a united future of speaking up against it so that God might be the ONE to actually repair what we have broken. For me, I came to an intersection of living in my TRUTH or living a lie.

I chose to no longer live a lie. The true shift for me really happened during Trumps presidency, and then the pandemic, and George Floyd’s murder broke things wide open. That was when I asked the ONE question I hadn’t allowed myself to ask before: WHY are we still talking about racism in 2020 and WHY is this still a problem for SO MANY PEOPLE??? I allowed the curiosity to run free. I decided I wasn’t going to be afraid of the truth I had been afraid to hear. I SAW that racism was a PROBLEM we need to speak up about. I SAW that there were many women being oppressed. I SAW that I could no longer be silent, but I had to deal with the real me first.

The last two years have turned on the light and I stepped out of the darkness to SEE what I was unwilling to see before. I truly have become FREE to be my authentic self that I had ignored and tried to make fit into a neat little box. I allowed the curiosity to come into full bloom. It has become a blossoming tree! That song Shackles? Yep. Totally off. Took the shackles off my feet so I could dance, and I just want to PRAISE HIM. God has done it! It is all Him. I’m running free into the unknown, and HE is carving out the path for me.

Photo credit: Jessica Jack

And simultaneously I received extreme backlash from family and friends who think I have fallen off the wagon into a black hole of blasphemy. They make me feel like I’M the one that has become “lost” and out of touch with what God is doing. Oh contraire mon frere! God and I are GOOD. We’re better than we’ve ever been. And what is truly remarkable is that for the first time ever in my 53 years, I am allowing Him to be the one to heal my broken heart. It is HIM that has been the one to pursue me and remind me that He cares about my mental health, my physical health, and my spiritual health MORE than who I vote for. He cares about ME. And He cares about His people. ALL His people. He is transforming my mind to equip me to DO what He is calling me to DO. I can’t say that is true for those Christians in my life who have become angry because I am outspoken now against Trump and the Texas Republicans who are making life so difficult for so many. God is FOR me, so really, who can be against me? But it doesn’t feel like there are many in my former circle of conservatives that are FOR me.

Kristen Du Mez writes about the brokenness of evangelism in great detail in her book “Jesus and John Wayne”. An eye opening read. Truly. Tara Westover also writes about the conflict and perspective of dueling realities in her book “Educated”. Her perspective especially has rocked my world because of navigating the dynamics between educating yourself on multiple perspectives and reconciling that with family and others’ limiting beliefs. What a balm for my soul this has been with handling estrangement and learning to embrace agency over my own thoughts! Beth Allison Barr writes about “Biblical Womanhood”. What an education, and what a gift I’m still wrapping my mind around through much deconstruction! Brene’ Brown taught me to “Brave the Wilderness” and to not be afraid to create my own community. Rachel Held Evans showed me there is hope in “Searching for Sunday”. Jen Hatmaker writes about self empowerment in “Fierce, Free, and Full of Fire” and showed me through loving her gay daughter unconditionally that God loves me fully, EVERY MOLECULE, Just the way I am. That isn’t just about being gay, it’s a message for ALL of us. Beth Moore called out and spoke up against the huge fracture that has happened in the Southern Baptist Church that she has now denounced. Beth, who lives in my city, who I have admired for years from just down the road (it feels like!), who has been a fierce leader of my developing faith for decades, who has modeled for me conviction for loving Jesus in this crazy world, who actually is the one that turned me on to Jen Hatmaker, which set me on a path to therapy with BetterHelp.com and to the rest of these amazing authors, quite honestly. Then in turn I have found community with groups like “Evolving Faith” and the podcast “Pantsuit Politics”. I’m learning to parent myself and be a better teacher with Dr. Becky at Good Inside, and SharonSaysSo on Instagram is a daily vitamin with a fresh take on world events and history I never miss. And I could literally go on and on about what I am learning from Austin Channing Brown and Lisa Sharon Harper and LaTasha Morrison and a ton of others I am beginning to read and seek to know and gain understanding from as those with a different life experience, learning so much history that was kept hidden from me. Some might say that these and others have “brainwashed” me. Well, it’s actually true in the BEST way. Curiosity has actually SAVED me. And I am just beginning this journey. I’m just getting started.

What I have gained from these WOMEN was perspective and freedom. I’m an enneagram 7 but my 5 in growth mindset has gone NUTS during the pandemic and over the last few years. I mean seriously. I have become a sponge, questioning EVERYTHING I’ve ever known, and soaking in knowledge and history I never knew. I’m reading authors I never would have read before. I’m following people on social media I never would have heard of without being open to another viewpoint. I’m not saying I believe all the views of everyone I’m following. I’m not saying I ascribe to all their viewpoints and take on the issues. I’m not saying I think they are doing everything right or have all the answers. I’m taking it in, chewing on it a while, seeking counsel with the Holy Spirit, and deciding if it resonates as truth. It’s like I cleaned out the closet of my brain, removing everything and I’m only putting back what I really believe is worthy of keeping.

And I’m facing my dark past too. But I’m embracing it as a friend. I’m giving myself a lot of grace to heal the wounds of my past. I’m learning to let it bubble up instead of hide it away so that God is the one to hold it WITH me as an important part of who I am. God doesn’t condone the bad things that have happened to me or the times when I have fallen short, but He says that it MATTERS. The good, bad, and the ugly are a part of me! So I will embrace all of it and call it growth. I am better for it because God takes our sh*t and grows flowers. He creates beauty out of a big pile of doodoo. And He raises up new life from the ashes.

So yes, America. I believed the lie that in order to be a “good” Christian I had to vote Republican. And my purpose today is to say I’m sorry I ever voted with a lack of knowledge that it was “Ok” to follow my heart and see the heartbreak that breaks God’s heart, not allowing myself to feel free to vote a different way than those around me. I am here to share the HOPE that if I can change, others can to. We need to keep sharing our stories of curiosity and transformation and authenticity and TRUTH because there are MANY that are hurting, but there is HOPE that change is in our future. I’m here to say that CURIOSITY is something to not be afraid of. Curiosity is gaining perspective and can unite us in the best way. And YOU my friend need to know that if you have found there are fractures in what you have always known, and with the relationships and people that you thought had the answers then it’s ok to acknowledge that curiosity and have courage. Have COURAGE to embrace your curiosity, your true thoughts, and be ok with going against the flow. Be ok with asking the questions and allowing some different ideas to meditate in your mind. Different ideas don’t have to be scary or “corrupt” you. A different interpretation of scripture doesn’t have to mean we are discounting the power and authority of the Bible. New ideas can be GOOD.

Bottom line: Be Curious. Not Judgmental. Don’t let FEAR determine who you vote for or be swayed by those who peddle hate and call it “being Christian” or that being FOR or against something defines your worth as a person. I will no longer be a part of that. There IS another way. Don’t be afraid of someone sharing with you that they see scripture or an issue from a different angle. I mean, we have FOUR gospels for a reason! Democrats don’t have it all figured out either, and not all Republicans are bad people, but being Democrat isn’t really as scary as I was led to believe 🙂 I’m paving my own path with God at the helm, into the unknown, as curious as ever where He might be taking me. It might look like I’m going against the flow, swimming upstream, but I’m all in, for the ride of my life!

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” – Romans 12:2

***I want to make clear that as an ally of BIPOC and the LGBTQ+ community, and the #metoo movement, I would never want to imply that I know what it’s like to live in someone else’s shoes or fully understand their life experience, or that I have ever had it “worse off” than anyone else. This is simply MY story and my attempt to encourage others through humbly sharing it.

***photo credit: Jessica Jack

We HOLD These Truths

***This is the first in a series I’m writing about the meaning of the individual words of the US Declaration of Independence. Words have meaning but I’ve found they can be interpreted in different ways based on the emphasis, or combination of words, or one person’s perspective. I’m exploring this topic, along with the US Constitution perhaps in the future, mostly for myself because I want to learn and understand the perspective as a former conservative turned progressive Christian, and how WORD meaning can change for us over time based on our life experiences and how our views may evolve. In addition, I think it’s important to share our stories on these views with others. There are lots of writings and interpretations and opinions on these founding documents, including a famous musical! And I’m no Supreme Court Justice. I may not get very far, or it will probably take me a long time because I’m in grad school, and I “don’t really know what I’m talking about”, but for now, this is a topic I’m interested in exploring and I hope you find what I write about my journey, with words and their meaning, interesting and helpful.

We HOLD These Truths. What does this mean to you?

I’m no historian. Like seriously. In high school I very much was NOT interested in history, at least not the way it was presented. Looking back I realize I was actually interested, but was often distracted by the concerns teens have and the method of delivery. It was boring quite honestly. I didn’t realize I was interested in history mostly because I had coaches for teachers who were not interested in teaching history. They wanted to coach and were being made to sit in a room with teenagers to justify their full time job. As a teacher myself, I support this idea, but it’s not the best use of our resources. That’s not the topic for today though.

One coach in particular who was my US history teacher, sat at the desk, with his feet up, reading the newspaper every day, and we literally copied notes from an overhead projector, or did a fill in the blank from the textbook Monday through Thursday and took a test over this information on Friday. Every week. I made mostly As and learned the basics. But there was no teaching of history in that class. Just the facts, ma’am.

Now if it had been show choir, musical theater, or a song or a play about history, or geography, world cultures, French class, and even diagraming sentences about history? (no, I don’t understand why I enjoy analyzing correct grammar…honestly, it’s a weird fascination and I don’t know where it comes from). I was all about it. But history itself? Dates, and generals, and battles, and famous names I had trouble remembering? Eh. I could take it or leave it. But I quickly learned in college and after meeting my husband, who LOVES history, how much I DIDN’T know. And how much more there is to the STORY and perspective and humanity in history that we may not even realize. And then as I began adulting I slowly started to understand how much I NEEDED to know and understand. I wanted to know the stories. In the last two years specifically, I have craved the stories and perspectives. I can’t get enough. I have learned that there is a HECK of a lot of history that was sugar coated, and white washed, and left out, and barely touched on, and even misunderstood, depending on which side of history you are on.

I’m not dogging coaches. I’m not blaming my teachers. I’m not blaming anyone. This is just MY experience.

My son on the other hand is a history FANATIC. He loves history so much that once when I asked him “what was the cause of World War one?”, he was so excited to explain it to me, that literally three hours later I still didn’t know a whole lot more because I was so distracted by his animated and extensive story telling.

Side note: Am I the only mother that can find herself getting totally lost in just watching her child be excited about something and not hear anything they are actually saying??? Just me?

Second side note: Can any of YOU explain the cause of WW1? No? I didn’t think so. I know it has something to do with Sarajevo and allies and a Duke. I think there’s only like 3 people that really know the answer to this. Moving on.

So one of the reasons for my son’s excitement was my husband and his dad talked about history a LOT when he was little and he would just join in the conversation like a grown up and somehow know things. I honestly think it’s because he loved books and stories. But also, he had a coach for an AP World History teacher that he loved so much, that even when he was failing at one point because he was having trouble managing his work load, he wouldn’t even hear of dropping it for regular history.

Absolutely not he said. No way. Coach Jones was EVERYTHING! He couldn’t imagine having a different teacher. He was his favorite teacher that year, besides his band director. He said “Don’t worry mom, I’m going to pass!” He passed with a 70 something I think (which for AP, I was like, whatever…I let it go) and the whole class got T-shirts that said “I survived WHAP”. He’s an officer in the Navy now with two Bachelor’s degrees in political science and criminal justice, so I’m not worried.

THAT excitement for history is why I have now come to be fascinated with politics and our founding documents. I have watched my son be so enamored by these stories, and sharing that with him and discussing how it relates to the news headlines, that it has been a major bonding experience in our adult relationship. I want to be someone that shares in that excitement for where we’ve been, where we ARE, and where we are going. And I want to share that same excitement with lots of people, with everyone, including you dear reader!

But an excitement for history is not what I’m asking of you. It’s not even an interest in history that is required. You can literally still want to stay far away from politics, and news stories, and just sit by the pool with your umbrella drink and soak in the sun, and also participate as an active member of humanity that cares about history, how it affects the present, and a positive future for everyone. (You’re doing it right now by reading this!)

Speaking of sun, have you ever stopped to really think about how the sun is both good and bad for you? Science is another one of those subjects that I’m only moderately interested in, by the way, but I’m finding some of what I’m learning now quite fascinating.

We live in a polarity continuum every day.

  • The sun provides Vitamin D that we need for proper brain development and mood regulation, and it helps sustain all living things, but its harmful rays and heat can also blind, burn, and cause death from heat stroke or skin cancer.
  • Water is both essential to life and yet you will die if you try to breathe under water. Water can both wash us clean and cause mold to grow which can be highly toxic to humans. Water can be fun for swimming, and also destroy with a flood.
  • Sugar is tasty and makes so many foods pleasurable, and too much of it can cause weight gain, addiction (science likes to debate this, but I personally know it’s true), or even kill you.

One more example: The word HOLD. If I hold you because you are sad and give you a hug, or I hold your hand to reassure you I’m with you, it feels good. But if I HOLD on to you because I’m trying to hurt you, or you know I’m angry, or I hold you and make you feel trapped in a cage, that is not a good feeling.

The same is true for this same word in our Declaration of Independence. After the initial mumbo jumbo about how basically our “partnership” with England isn’t working out so well anymore and things have to change, some of the most famous first words say “We HOLD these truths to be self-evident”. Most of us were introduced to these words as a kid in history but have we really ever thought much about what that means? More recently, I have really been dissecting what this means to ME. I put the word HOLD in bold for this, my first effort to share my thoughts on the words of this important document because for me, this is one of the most important words in the entire declaration. An argument could be made perhaps that EVERY word is important, but I won’t be arguing that today.

Just like the polarity continuum in the above examples, many Americans see the word HOLD very differently. Some see it as freedom, and security, and like a hug from their country. Others see it as restrictive, stifling, and full of hate. From their view, many Americans feel confident that the laws of the land provide the protection they need to pursue their dreams, full of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. While the opposite is true for many others, who feel that the laws, and systems, and people that represent us are HOLDING them back.

For each of us, our life experience can dictate how we feel on this continuum, for one reason or another, and we get to HOLD that truth as our own. We can infer, but we may never fully know the true thoughts of the founding fathers in drafting these important documents on which we govern ourselves in this “great experiment” as a Democratic Republic. Words about “equality” and “men” and “justice” and “govern” all have different meanings to each of us. But we can HOLD the TRUTHS of our history as OUR individual truth. It’s OUR history, as individuals AND as a collective. Good AND evil. Life AND death. Rich AND poor. Black AND white. Or maybe a little grey. Or brown. Or Red and Blue. Or Purple. It’s ALL of these truths.

We hold these truths, ALL of our truths, together because it is in fact what makes us, US. It makes us WE. We get a lot of things wrong, but we also get a lot of things right that we need to remember. You might not like me, and I might not like you, but we live together on this planet, that happens to be within the borders of these united states. On the timeline of age, we will all reach death at a given point, that is a fact. And each day on the polarity continuum we determine our own truth, as we see it, and as we live it, but we can CHOOSE to hold our own truth in one hand, and hold the truth of another fellow American, and other human, in the other.

We CAN hold these truths. We can HOLD more than one truth as a way to see it as part of the WE. We can. If we are willing to try. As humans we all hold grief and heartache and frustration and anger over how things have been, and how things are, and probably have worry over what is to come, but we also have lots to celebrate, and much to be thankful for. We must look for the good in each other and in each person’s TRUTH. So let’s keep going, together.

May God bless YOU. May God bless our troops (#GoNavy!), and may God bless the UNITED States of America, on this our 246th birthday, as we continue to seek truth and justice for ALL and HOLD one another’s truth in our collective hands.

Happy Birthday America!