Who Are You Looking For?

“Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12 and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. 13 They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” “They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

15 He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.” 16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”). 17 Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” 18 Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.”

In verse 11, the first thing we learn about Mary is that she is standing outside the tomb crying. So let’s back up and make sure everyone understands WHY she is crying. In case you aren’t aware of the story, Jesus has been crucified, died, and buried in a tomb. I encourage you to read for yourself this account in John 19 We’re going to talk more about the significance of this as we get closer to Easter, but for now, I think it’s important to focus on this one part of the story.

Mary was a follower of Jesus and there are several accounts in the Gospels to show how much she loved him, so we can only imagine how heartbroken she was at his wrongful death, thinking that it was the END. For Mary, and the disciples, there was no clear understanding that He had been telling them all along what was REALLY going to happen. In hindsight we can see that He knew what was going to happen, and we can celebrate the joyous end to this story and the GIFT of salvation that Jesus gives all of us in His sacrifice and RESURRECTION.

But in this moment, we see a glimpse of her heartache and can SEE that she is clearly distraught and full of grief over her understanding of the finality of His life. For Mary, there is no hope and vision of how to move forward. She doesn’t know how this moment has already changed the world. There is no “it will work out” for her. Everyone that has lost someone dearly loved can imagine, for her, it feels as if her world as ended.

So, let’s get practical for a sec. If your favorite teacher that you had been following around for 2 or so years, that had made a significant impact on your life, that made you feel completely unconditionally loved, had just been killed, and in your heartbreak you go to visit his gravesite. You probably haven’t fully realized that even though you believe your teacher to be the Messiah, you don’t even fully understand what that MEANS! You are in mourning and you KNOW in a practical sense that your teacher is dead, gone, not coming back. When you go to the gravesite and you see sitting there two angels, are you going to calmly answer their questions??? I mean, really?

Maybe it’s that she’s in a bit of shock. Ok, that’s an acceptable explanation. But REALLY??? No reaction to TWO ANGELS, just sitting there, hanging out like it’s a casual Sunday with nothing else to do??? OHEMGEEEEEEEEE. I would be freaking out!!! I wouldn’t be able to contain myself. Even if I still didn’t know that JESUS HIMSELF had risen, it’s TWO ANGELS. I mean, COME ON!!!!!! I would really love to ask her who she thought they were, if she didn’t realize they were angels.

The reality is that she misses the angels completely and when they ask her “why are you crying?”, she says, very simply, “they have taken my Lord away.” (Is it just me or does John write this much more calm than it probably was in reality???) So who is “they” and at this point is she thinking his body has been stolen? I’m not sure if she’s actually thinking straight in her grief, and that’s ok. It’s to be expected that she would be not aware and focused on things that might seem trivial things to others. This situation doesn’t make sense to her I’m sure.

Grief is different for each person isn’t it? How one person reacts to loss might seem completely shocking and to another, dismissive. We all process in our own way, and Mary here is concerned about Jesus’ body, where it is and why it’s missing. She is not concerned with the fact that she is having a conversation with heavenly beings. I like to think that I would totally recognize the magnificence of talking to angels, but I’m not so sure. We truly don’t always SEE the full picture of a situation when we are in the midst of trauma, grief and loss.

And here’s where we get to the heart of this part of the story and in my opinion, the most important part. Jesus is there WITH her. He shows up. He just conquered death. He can do whatever He wants. But He takes the time to comfort Mary in her grief and SHOW UP. We see in verse 14 that she turns around, she sees Him standing there and in her grief she doesn’t recognize Him. She thinks He’s the gardener and has possibly taken the body of her dearly loved Rabboni, teacher.

He asks her why she is crying to show His compassion and then he oddly asks “WHO are you looking for?” Would you agree with me that this is an interesting question? First of all, He already knows the answer, so why ask? Secondly, why doesn’t He just tell her who He is when He sees she is distraught?

The final part of this passage is truly lovely so let’s not miss it. Mary doesn’t recognize Jesus with His first questions, but when He says her NAME, she does and her eyes are opened. It is in this intimate moment that she recognizes Him and is filled with joy. Why? Because saying her name shows that He SEES her. He KNOWS her.

She shows her honor and respect to Him by calling Him “teacher” and it seems she grabbed ahold of Him. I mean, that’s what I would do. It’s SHOCKING that He DIED and now HERE HE IS!!! And Jesus, understanding His true purpose, asks her to NOT hold on to Him so He can FINISH what He started. He must ascend to the Father and send the Holy Spirit. So He asks her to GO and TELL.

I want to break this down a little bit for us with some application, so here’s what I think about this story of grief and how it relates to you and me, Jesus meets us where we are in our grief. He SEES us there, asks WHY we’re crying, even though He already knows the answer. He wants us to know that He is WITH is. And He asks because He wants us to TELL Him about our pain. He wants to comfort. He wants to be a FRIEND.

Friends, grief, loss, and heartache are obviously different for every person and we should all be able to handle it in our own way, not dictated to us by others, not forced to “get over it”, and our pain definitely not dismissed. The hardest part of grief is that we don’t always SEE Jesus, when the sadness clouds our eyes, or perception. We don’t always recognize that He is WITH us and wants to bring comfort so we feel alone, and even paralyzed to act.

And for all practical purposes, in our grief, Jesus IS who we are looking for, we just don’t always know it. Jesus IS who we NEED.

There are many causes of trauma and something interesting happens in the brain with trauma where we get what I call “fog brain”. In a very real way, the Amygdala is the part of the brain that fires up to help us survive and “protect” us so our thinking center of the brain gets disconnected. When that happens, our brains are focused on survival and meeting our basic needs. Like, for real, many synapses physically do not have pathways of connection and we can’t think straight. Scientifically it allows us to sort of go on auto pilot, but not always very well and that is why so many of us are in “fight, flight, or freeze” brain all the time as of late. This is one reason why depression can be so debilitating. We are physically in a brain disconnect.

So that’s what’s happening here with Mary and that is what we need Jesus FOR. He reminds us we are not alone. He knows our NAME and shows us that He knows us intimately and deeply, and sees our pain. When we are willing to be vulnerable and personal with Him, that’s when we RECOGNIZE Him. When we open our hearts to His presence, He comes close to reveal Himself. When we HEAR His voice is when we SEE Him. In our case, in the 21st century, we don’t see Him with our eyes of course, we SEE Him with our hearts and minds, and we feel Him see our pain in our souls.

It starts with one step forward to look into the tomb. When I approach, to LOOK for Jesus, I have felt personally His presence at the very core of me, warming my soul, overwhelming me at times with His comforting love.

So WHO are you LOOKING for today my friend? Maybe this is not a day when you are experiencing grief or loss exactly, or failed expectations and disappointment (and maybe you are), but instead maybe you are just weary, tired, worn out, exhausted, ashamed of something, or in need of a hug?

Have you come to the “tomb” LOOKING for hope, not even believing you’re going to find any? Have you come hoping to SEE that everything is Ok? Have you come feeling like you don’t even know what to pray for or what the next steps are, or that you aren’t even worthy to come looking for Him? Jesus WILL meet you there. He will meet you right where you are, in that very place. Close your eyes, listen for His voice to say your name, SEE Him and go to Him, except THIS time it’s ok to NOT LET GO. Hold on to Jesus, my friend. Hold on. He is WITH you and He is not going to leave you.

For I believe that when you go looking, you too will say, “I have SEEN the Lord!”